Is it time? Time to throw out the rulebook?
What rules, you ask? I’m talking about social norms. These are the unofficial “rules” we ascribe to as part of a group or body of people. These norms often dictate expectations for our choices and behavior.
Now, let’s be clear…
Not all social norms are bad! Some are actually quite helpful, and others are simply “neutral” in their effect on our lives. Here are a few examples:
- Apologizing when you make a mistake.
- Saying “hello” when another person greets you.
- Looking into another’s eyes when speaking to them.
- Saying “please and thank you.”
See what I mean?
These are not official laws. Nobody will arrest you if you forget to say “please” when you ask for something…but common courtesy would suggest it’s a good idea. In these cases (and many others), social norms can help facilitate a well-functioning and cooperative society.
That being said, there are some social rules that truly are worth tossing out the window.
So…which social rules should we say “See ya later” to?
Honestly, it depends. Just as our interests, values, and passions can vary greatly from person to person, so too can the social norms we choose to follow (or choose to abandon.) There isn’t a “one size fits all” answer to this question.
That being said…
It’s a good idea for everyone to critically evaluate the social rules we’ve adopted and assess whether or not they are serving us. In most cases, we’ve all adopted many social norms that are worth keeping around, and probably a handful that are best to let go of.
As you begin this reflection process, here are some helpful questions to consider:
- What “social rules” do you follow? Consider making a list.
- Why do you follow these rules? What assumptions are you making?
- Who determines or dictates these rules? Do you trust these sources of influence?
- Are the social norms you’ve adopted supporting your goals?
- Are the social norms you follow a conscious choice or an “autopilot” habit?
- Are there any social norms that get in the way of your goals?
- Are any of the social norms you ascribe to harmful to yourself or others?
As you reflect, I’d encourage you to pick one social norm that you’d like to let go of and make a plan. Breaking social norms isn’t always easy. When it comes to changing habits or behaviors (even unhelpful ones) having a strategy in place can be so helpful!
If you’d like some help with this reflection process or putting a plan in place for positive change, click here to learn more about my personal coaching opportunities and how I can support you in this journey!
Article was contributed by: Maria Lees, Team Writer with Sarah Boxx
