Article contributed by Elizabeth Brennan
Women all experience motherhood differently. They all arrive at motherhood in different ways and for different reasons. Yet, they all want the same things for their children. (Happiness, love, safety, health, etc.)
So, how can they accomplish that?
I see so many people seeking a formula to produce perfectly happy, capable, kind children. They believe if they could find just the right way to raise their children, then they would be able to face any problem with grace and aplomb!
However…
No one gets very far into their children’s lives before realizing that there is no formula. There is no detailed process that teaches parents how to give their children everything they need in exactly the way they need it without any difficulties. Instead, adults have always had to muddle through raising their children, making many mistakes along the way.
Fortunately, they usually find some excellent tools to help them develop desirable qualities in their children. One of those helpful tools is the Enneagram.
The beauty of the Enneagram is that it requires all mothers to discover their own type and learn more about themselves before learning about their children. Self-discovery allows mothers to notice their strengths and weaknesses and evaluate them without bias or judgment.
Soon, they learn to challenge their lifelong beliefs about themselves, and they begin to prune away thoughts that are untrue and harmful. This work leads them to develop self-compassion and implement healthy boundaries. Mothers who work through this process are able to meet their children with more empathy and grace.
For now, let’s explore the innate strengths of each type and how those strengths make you the best mother for your children. When you look at this list of strengths below, you may not immediately see yourself reflecting these qualities. Instead, you may see only the negative outcomes of those traits. The Enneagram describes your traits and motivations, but you get to decide how you use them in this world.
Take some time to observe how your words and actions affect your family and your circumstances. Without self-observation, your motivations can turn into self-sabotaging forces.
However, when you actively observe and reflect on how you interact with others, and when you challenge your internal dialogue, you will start to notice the positive forces within your motivations. Look at this list with a lens of possibility. Which of these traits are in you, and how can you use them to encourage your children to develop confidence and compassion?
- Type 1: Rightness and goodness – Type 1’s are seeking to make everything right in the world. They work tirelessly to bring order and justice to a chaotic and hurting world. Type 1 mothers are great examples for children who all need to learn the nuances of “right” and “wrong” in order to understand more complex concepts such as justice, guilt, compassion, and grace.
- Type 2: Unconditional love – Type 2’s have a deep longing to love and be loved. In many cases, they will do anything to be loved and accepted by those who are dear to them. Type 2 mothers are especially equipped to offer that unconditional and sacrificial love to their children.
- Type 3: Productive, purposeful work – Type 3’s are often described as achievers, and this is because they are driven to be successful at anything they do. Even when success seems unlikely, a Type 3 can usually pull it off. Children always benefit from seeing how hard work leads to an accomplishment. A Type 3 mother will exemplify how mistakes, determination, and intentionality are all a part of the process.
- Type 4: Creativity and empathy – Type 4’s experience emotions more strongly and with more nuance than many other types. This makes Type 4 mothers especially capable of demonstrating and developing empathy in their children.
- Type 5: Wisdom and knowledge – Type 5’s are constantly analyzing the world around them, learning from it, and synthesizing the information to develop wisdom. Type 5 mothers can share this process with their children, creating a foundation that will allow them to develop wisdom of their own.
- Type 6: Faithfulness and loyalty – Type 6’s are often the most loyal and steadfast participants in a relationship. Type 6 mothers will always be available for their children, creating a safe and welcoming space for their children that is not dependent on their performance or actions.
- Type 7: Adventure and joy – Type 7’s can turn any experience into something fun and exciting. They are able to teach their children to be resilient and future-focused. They wonder about the unknown instead of fearing it. Type 7 mothers are able to give their children a little push to explore the greater world outside of their comfort zone.
- Type 8: Power and protection – Type 8’s work tirelessly to protect the vulnerable people in their lives. Type 8 mothers are extremely committed to keeping their children safe while also equipping them with strength and resilience.
- Type 9: Peace and reconciliation – Type 9’s seem to bring peace with them everywhere they go. They are excellent at understanding how others experience a conflict, so they are capable of organizing compromise and repairing relationships. Type 9 mothers excel at creating a harmonious environment for their children.
Do you see now how you are uniquely equipped to be an excellent teacher for your children? Learning your strengths allows you to speak truth to yourself when you feel weak and incapable. There will certainly be days when you believe you are failing to connect with your children and provide what they need, but you still have these superpowers ingrained deeply within your true self. They are available to you always.
Furthermore, do you see any of these qualities in your children? It is wise to learn all nine Enneagram types, not because you should guess a child’s type, but because it helps you to observe their strengths. Just as it may be difficult to see your own strengths, it can be even harder to notice your child’s strengths because their motivations are immature. So, look for the potential in your children. This list provides many examples of what your children are capable of accomplishing.
Mothers, you are strong, and you are capable. Lean into that truth today as you raise strong children.
About the Author:
Elizabeth is a certified Enneagram coach with a passion for supporting mothers (of all ages and stages) in uncovering their true identities and living out their motherhood with passion and purpose.
Connect with Elizabeth:
https://www.soundmindcoach.com/
https://www.facebook.com/soundmindenneagram
No Labels, No Limits Podcast – Listen to Elizabeth
