What can we learn from someone who says “yes” often, thinks long-term, and doesn’t limit herself/himself?
Plenty.
It’s easy to get carried away into thinking that what we see and read in print or online about people we deem successful is their entire story. That their lives, as presented in these truncated clips, are pristine as they move flawlessly from one glorious moment to the next. What we don’t see is the story behind the images. What it took to get to “that moment” and how long that captured moment lasts are invisible, happening behind the curtain. We love the allure of the overnight success, the lottery winner that suddenly gets a windfall and now all their dreams come true. Fake or fantasy, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that one moment, captured or reported in whatever manner, IS NOT THE ENTIRE STORY. There is more, always more to know. Don’t you want to know the rest of the story?
This time, it all started with the dog. It often does. I’m in a crowd, on a walk, looking out a window, or sitting in a parking lot waiting for a store to open. I see the dog first. Then I look up the leash to see who’s attached. If off-lead, I look to see who is paying attention to the dog’s whereabouts. This fascination with dogs often leads to meeting interesting people and hearing their unique stories. Here’s what I learned from an encounter with a tall, good-looking guy and his Cardigan Corgi.
Setting the Scene
First, take a moment and imagine this scene.
You are sitting in a lecture hall with 150 other pre-med students. It’s a day like any other. The semester is winding down, term papers are coming due. You are focused on the lesson and what will be expected in the final. All of a sudden you feel it. The unease. The growing awareness something is not right. The sweat starting to trickle under your arms and down your back. You are not sure where the threat is yet. You haven’t spotted it, but you know it’s there. Shit. Where is it? You realize you are trapped in this room, with no visible means of escape. Your heart is pounding in your chest and now your head joins in, with the first, excruciating explosions of the headache. It’s unbearable. You need to leave. Now. Immediately. Right. This. Minute.
You look around. No one else even seems aware of the danger or what you are experiencing with every ounce of your being. Then you feel it. The deep pressure on your arm, the repeated licking on your shoulder. Your attention is temporarily drawn from the impending catastrophe and back into the classroom as you finally notice the lick, lick, lick, and attention-grabbing actions of your dog. She can feel your anxiety and knows you’re experiencing a private hell, and it’s getting worse. She becomes more insistent and increases the pressure on your arm and the insistence of her licking. She’ll continue until you notice and she gets the response letting her know you are coming back into this moment. She gets what she’s looking for as you begin to breathe normally, and your heart rate starts to gradually slow, and the sweating subsides.
You look up and see the professor has been continuing the lecture, unaware that you were perilously close to a full-blown anxiety attack until just seconds before.
I invented the scene above based on a real conversation I had last weekend with a total stranger. All because I asked about his dog. I’m at the coffee stand pouring a second (perhaps a third?) cup when I see this tall guy passing by with a beautiful black and grey Cardigan Corgi. She was gorgeous, attentive and remarkably calm, given the size and variety of people in the crowd. He was on his way to claim a cup of coffee as well, so my chance to engage was now.
The Uncovered Story
“Your dog is beautiful…what kind of assistance does she provide?” That was my opening. It felt a bit risky and personal, but we both knew the only dogs allowed were assistance dogs. Also, I’ve learned that sometimes the best conversations happen despite your feeling self-conscious.
“Thanks. She helps me with my anxiety.” And our conversation was off. He shared what it was like going to University every day, being in situations where he has no control, and no one has his back. What it’s like going to a social event (think dinner party in an acquaintance’s home) when he can’t be with the host or someone he knows well. And, he shared what it’s like dating when one of the first things he has to do is explain why his dog comes everywhere with him. We talked about his education goals, timeline, and the obstacles yet ahead. He was conscious of them but not deterred in the slightest. He accepts he will graduate and complete his residency when he’s a full decade and a half older than others on the same education path. He allows that he will have substantial student loans at a time when some guys (and gals) are saving for retirement. And, he accepts that while his anxiety disorder may always haunt him, he has strategies and supports to get through, to cope and come out ahead.
He shared more of his history with me. The types of things he’s said “yes” to, to arrive at this point in his life, including serving in the military and a marriage that didn’t work out. He hasn’t let disappointment, his current age, what other people think or do, or his anxiety disorder limit his dreams or goals. Since he knows what he wants to achieve in the long run, he does not get sidetracked by short-term challenges, as daunting as they may be.
Keeping Your End Goal in Sight
Someday, not that long from now, one of his patients will look up at him in his office and think what an incredibly successful person he is. How lucky he is to have the profession and life of his dreams. They will see only a snapshot of his life (likely a 15-minute conversation filled with assumptions) and think it’s the entire picture. They won’t know the story of the veteran-turned-student and his faithful Corgi.
Here’s the three life lessons to be gleaned from this story – as you go into your day and week, remember to think long term, go after what matters to you (say “yes” to your life), and never limit yourself based on your situation or circumstance. For my part, I’ll do the same. On a similar note, find yourself a free minute and listen in to my weekly podcast, No Labels No Limits, where we have heartfelt discussions with high achievers that have overcome major challenges in life. Find your source of inspiration and let it drive you to do things you’ve never imagined were possible.
Interested in learning more about variety of service dogs and the differences between service dogs and assistance dogs? Find it all here: https://www.anythingpawsable.com/service-dogs-invisible-disabilities/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/anxiety/anxiety-disorders-and-anxiety-attacks.htm
