We’ve all been there.
A season in which your relationship(s) just feel harder. Perhaps communication just isn’t what it once was. Maybe you are experiencing more conflict or resentment. Or possibly you’ve just lost the energy and motivation to truly engage in your relationships.
Welcome to the relationship desert.
Like a true desert, at times our relationships can enter a phase that feels dry and barren, producing little, if any fruit. This can happen in the best of relationships and doesn’t necessarily mean that there is anything inherently wrong with your relationship.
So, how does this happen?
This phenomenon typically indicates a lack of nourishment. Our relationships are like plants. If you give a plant water, good soil, and a little bit of sunshine, chances are, it will flourish! If you forget to water that plant it will begin to wither and eventually die.
Not right away, of course. A plant can survive a day or two without watering…but if the lack of hydration persists, well, you know how the story ends.
The same is true in our relationships! They require nourishment and hydration in order to stay alive and truly flourish.
(Important Note: This information does not apply to relationships that contain abuse of any kind. If you find yourself in that situation, please seek the help and support of a licensed professional.)
It’s a simple concept really, but as we all know, caring for our relationships is often easier said than done. Life presents roadblocks that can get in the way of truly nourishing our relationships. Here are a few common examples:
- Busyness:
Relationships require time. Plain and simple. Time to talk, to enjoy each other’s company. Time for activities and connection. One common deterrent to a truly nourished relationship is an overpacked schedule. It usually happens slowly, and often by accident, but it’s remarkably easy to run out of time for those we care about most.
- Distraction:
There is a difference between being with someone and truly engaging the relationship. Let me paint a picture for you: A couple is sitting together on the couch. One partner is watching a football game while the other scrolls Instagram. Neither is truly interacting with the other. While this isn’t bad in and of itself, if all of the time spent together results in each person being distracted by their own activities or devices, the relationship itself isn’t likely to flourish.
- Preferences:
This is a tough one. We all have preferences. We like things to be done in a particular way, and often, our way won’t completely align with the preferences of the other person in the relationship. When faced with a difference in preferences, it’s easy for one of two things to happen:- You choose to exert your authority and make your preferences happen.
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- You allow a seed of resentment and bitterness to take root in your heart because you aren’t being given your preference.
As I’m sure you can imagine, neither of these experiences will lead to a truly nourished relationship. And truly, is that truly what you want? Dictatorial or resent-producing interactions in your relationships? My guess is, probably not.
If you’ve found yourself in a season of relational drought, don’t worry! It is totally possible to re-nourish your relationships. Where you are is not where you have to stay. Here are a few ways you can start nourishing your relationships today:
- Assess the Situation
It’s important to take some time to reflect on what factors have brought you to this place. Typically, it won’t be one single thing, but a combination of factors (ex: packed schedules, lack of sleep, etc.) that combined created this difficult season. Understanding where/how things began will provide important insight into next steps and solutions.
- Schedule Time Together
If you are waiting for things to feel “less busy” before you start investing in your relationships again, you probably won’t get there. In my experience, life rarely gets less busy. Our commitments may change or shift in different seasons, but most of us have a habit of filling spare time rather quickly. Instead of waiting for things to slow down, put time together on your calendar. Make it a priority with equal weight to that all-important dentist appointment or the work call you simply can’t miss.
- Use Conversation Starters
Did you know there are conversation starter packs for all sorts of relationships? If you’ve gotten out of the habit of intentional conversation with your loved ones, this can be a great and fun way to ease back in. These card sets have conversation topics ranging from funny hypothetical questions to thoughtful walks down memory lane. Whether you are a set of good friends, a romantic couple, or a sibling duo, using conversation starters can be a great way to get things going.
- Start A Gratitude List
In tougher seasons, it can be easy to focus on the flaw or annoying traits our loved ones possess, rather than the things that drew us to them in the first place. Making an intentional effort to focus on gratitude can go a long way in reducing your overall feelings of annoyance. I recommend starting a gratitude list entirely about your relationship and/or loved one. Each day, write down 3-5 specific things that you are thankful for about your relationship. The more you write, the more good things you’ll begin to notice.
When it comes to keeping your relationships alive, intentional nourishment that fosters connection is just as important for your relationship as food is for your body.
Interested in learning more about how you can truly nourish yourself and your relationships? The rest of this month’s content is dedicated to whole-person nourishment. Click HERE to join our community to stay informed about upcoming content you won’t want to miss.
Article was contributed by: Maria Lees, Team Writer with Sarah Boxx
