Guest Post Contributed by Heather A. Scott
“Mom, have you had a chance to meditate today?”
This question caught me off guard while in the kitchen trying to get dinner started. My then 15-year-old stopped me in my tracks with this question.
“No, I haven’t had the chance today.” I responded.
“Well, would you like to go and do that and we’ll regroup later?” (Yes, that wise suggestion actually did come from the mouth of my teenager.)
“Yes, yes I would. See you in an hour or so.”
Needless to say, I must have been some degree of grumpy or snippy for him to even ask. This is the evolution of self-care in my home, the awareness, the practice, modeling, and supportive environment.
I didn’t always consider ways to make things work better for myself. I was a single mom with two sons and my one and only method was to “push through and git ‘er done”.
This often didn’t go very well.
What I’ve learned in the past four years, (my self-care journey so far) is that self-care has many benefits. It is good for you AND it’s good for your health.
In our deepest self, we know that this is true.
When you’re getting your needs met – well some of them – it improves how you feel and also how you show up. When you feel well and get to be you, it’s very good for those around you.
What is “Self Care?”
I define self-care as something that we do that leaves us feeling nurtured, enlivened and better than before. What constitutes self care is as different as the people of the world. It doesn’t have to be structured, expensive or complicated.
I’m always curious about what flavor of self-care someone will create. Some like a quiet book, some respond to a walk in nature, some crave a trip to a new exhibit, play or restaurant, some want to take a class.
For some, (me in 2010) just taking five minutes alone in a car after they pull into the garage or driveway can make THE difference in the evening ahead.
Talking about and actually caring for yourself is sometimes difficult for people. Depending on how they were raised, they can feel (or even still be told) that they are being selfish. Or indulgent. Or difficult.
For those of you who are in the middle of the race, who have young kids and all the activities and responsibilities that come with them, making time to care for yourself is even more important and can prove challenging.
The Defense:
When I tell people that I write and coach and deliver workshops about creating space in their lives for caring for themselves, I hear quick responses like:
- “I do yoga and sometimes meditate!”
- “I take a spin class.”
I usually ask them what they like most about yoga and go on to reassure them that I’m not the self-care police. I had one podcaster put off our interview until she managed to get some self-care into her schedule because she was sure I’d be checking!
Many people question me about how carving out this time in their schedule is possible and tell me about all the things they do for all the people in their life.
And yet, what I’ve learned is that those who love you want you to take care of yourself.
Supportive environments will encourage you to find what brings you joy or peace or fulfillment because as humans, once you are able to be yourself and self-expressed you usually show up more as who you really are – your best version.
Personally, I started putting myself into the equation because I wanted to model my best version of myself to my kids.
Some people have a list of tips and tricks that they share in posts like this. I must say that I have a bit of an energetic eye roll associated with this.
Sure, there are things that you can do each day that will improve your feeling of being nurtured, but there is no ‘one size fits all’ quick and easy solution.
But – for those who want some practical tips, here are a few to get you started:
- Get an accountability buddy, someone who can support you as you begin to take steps to put “caring for yourself” on your to do list.
- Look at your calendar and select the time slots that you can earmark for you.
- Put boundaries around those chosen times. Actually practice saying ‘no thank you’
so that you get what you need.
The Self-Care Journey:
I’ve developed a continuum to assess where you are on your self care journey. Keep in mind that wherever you are is perfectly fine.
- It starts with knowing – sometimes you’re at the stage of knowing that self-care is a good idea. You haven’t moved on making it happen yet but you’re reading articles like this and considering having a conversation with your circle about choosing something soon.
- Choosing something that will be caring for yourself is next. It’s mobilizing your motivation and getting closer to action. You may have researched the club you’d like to join, or looked at the family budget (time or money) to see where you could invest in you. You may have checked at work about getting away early so you can attend the weekend retreat that is covering a topic you love.
Action requires planning, budgeting and getting support from someone in
your environment and booking it. - Experience your “self-care” plans. Once you’ve taken action you get to feel how it feels when you put something in your calendar just for you.
- Time to “check in.” Assess the self-care choices you’ve made and their impact on your life. Was this planning worth it or would I have preferred to have stayed in town instead of driving a few hours to attend a class? Perhaps it was exactly what you were looking for and you can celebrate how wonderful it was and get ready to book another round.
- Step into embodiment. You are caring for yourself. You’ve learned that how you feel, what you need and moving toward what makes you happy truly matters.
I truly believe that self-care is an incredibly important component of a healthy and happy life. It is a foundational piece upon which much success can be built.
It starts with a choice to forgive ourselves for the care we didn’t give before, releasing any guilt about putting ourselves and our needs in our calendars and giving ourselves permission to do things that make us happy.
What will you choose for you?
About the Author:
Heather A. Scott is an educator, trainer, certified life coach with a specialization in Parent as Coach and an author. Her first book, “Gentle with You, Connecting Self-Care & Parenting” was published in 2021.
She owns Green Orchid 8 Coaching and provides private and group coaching on self-care, organization, and time management. She also hosts webinars and a monthly conversation series on various self-care topics. She currently lives in western Canada with her two sons.
Connect with Heather at:
Website: https://greenorchid8.com/
Email: Heather@greenorchid8.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100058721225777
Instagram: @fiery48
