I received an e-mail a week or so ago from someone who I know, like and respect very much. This person is a professional woman who is building a new business as she continues to function in her current practice. She has had a number of setbacks over the past year, and yet, has persisted in moving towards her goals. Frustrated that she had not made as much progress as she wanted, she asked a question I hear all too often: How do you stay motivated?
My first inclination was to sit down and write her a thoughtful response. But I realized that at the end of my own day, which had also had its share of frustrations and setbacks, I would have nothing thoughtful (or thoughtful enough) to offer. It wasn’t until last week, when I was on my way to board an early morning flight, that I watched a little three-year-old boy accomplish something scary and monumental to him. And, that’s when the light bulb went on for me.
The answer is about movement not motivation.
I had just cleared TSA and was on my way up one of the two escalators to my gate. All of us early morning travelers were only using one of the escalators, leaving the other alone. At first I couldn’t understand why, then when I looked over, I could see. There was a young mother holding the hand of her young son. Both had rolling suitcases behind them. She stood there patiently explaining to him that it would just be the first step that was scary. That after that it would be really fun, and when he reached the top he would feel really proud of himself. I wasn’t actually sure he would take that first step before I reached the top of our escalator. But, just as I was cresting the top, I looked back and saw that they were now nearly a third of the way up the moving staircase.
I ran into them again as we were walking towards our respective gates. It was one of those moments that I wanted to say something, but I also didn’t want to intrude on her time with her son. Then I thought, what the heck?
I asked, “Do you remember the first time you got on an escalator? I do. I remember it like it was yesterday. I don’t remember which adult was holding my hand, but I do remember being afraid to take my feet off of firm ground. I had to trust that I would not get caught in the moving steps.”
“Yes!” The mom also remembered her first ride on an escalator. She’d had a similar experience and remembered her own hesitation. I told her how much I enjoyed watching her encourage her son, and that it felt great to be reminded how monumental even these seemingly small achievements are the first time we make them.
She thanked me and we went our separate ways.
That small interaction did three things for me:
First – It made me smile! It made my steps a bit lighter and my smile brighter, and that feeling lasted throughout the day.
Second – it answered the question about motivation to move and grow. That little boy stood in front of the steps that continue to move up and away from him. No matter how long he sat and thought about them, or how long he wanted them to be less scary, he ultimately had to take a step and trust that he would move forward on top of the steps.
I reminisced about the movie, Groundhog’s Day, where one of the famous lines is – Watch out for that first step, it’s a doozie! A kind reminder, the first steps are the hardest, but once we know what’s there, we can adjust our next steps and get our feet firmly planted. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YrYe-ezyegY
Waiting to feel motivated is useless and pointless. We feel motivated after we take action, either we are motivated to continue forward because we like what occurred, or we are motivated to change because we didn’t like the outcome. But either way, motivation is a result of accumulated actions. There are very specific things you can do to help your mindset, to reframe situations, and to change your physiology so that you can alter your physical and mental state. But again, each of those are actions that are taking you in a specific direction.
At the bottom of it all – you need to find clarity in your “why”. Why are you doing or wanting a particular outcome?
When I get stuck, get sidetracked, or lose my way, it is always what I come back to – my “why”. I know that the how will become clear once I start taking steps. But, it is the why that propels me forward when I am scared, insecure, and in unfamiliar territory. That, and I also remember I will only be in this place once. After that one time, I may revisit the same challenge or situation, but it will never be new in the same way, ever again.
Third – that boy and the escalator reminded me that along the way, we all have people who have held our hands, literally or figuratively, as we’ve stepped into the unknown. All we have to do is pay attention to the big and small events where someone has offered a steadying hand as we move forward. For all of you who have been that steadying hand in my life, THANK YOU.
Trust your destination, take action and the motivation will come.
