“Intention without action is an insult to those who expect the best from you!”
Andy Andrews
Do you ever feel like you have dreams and goals that never seem to be accomplished? No matter how much you want to achieve them, other things consistently get in the way. Or, are you feeling burned-out from spinning your wheels, constantly doing work that does not lead you in the direction you want to go? Have you ever said to yourself (or even a trusted friend) that you’ve reached your breaking point, enough is enough, and you want to get out or even sell your business?
As a professional woman, you are not alone. Studies conducted by researchers at Montreal University found that women are significantly more likely to experience professional burnout than their male counterparts. Burnout often stems from a combination of factors including job-related stress, low self-esteem, and the struggle of trying to balance work, family, and home life responsibilities.
Maybe you struggle to find the time to make your dreams a priority. When you first started out, you were energized and able to contribute your unique strengths to the company’s mission. Your task list was motivating, filled with possibility and excitement!
As time passed, life grew busier, the to-do list longer and now you feel weighed down in minutiae that sucks the life out of you. On top of that, you feel less able to be present and connect with your family and friends outside of your work.
This was not the direction you set for yourself.
Whatever the reason or cause (or excuse), placing your goals on the back burner while you get other things under control and clear space for yourself is not uncommon for professional women.
It’s easy to have dreams but it can be very difficult to make real progress towards those goals. Research suggests that women often set bigger and tougher goals than men. Also, because women tend to attach more emotion to their goals, they tend to care more about their goals than men. However, women are also more likely to procrastinate working towards their goals, which can stall progress and lead to goal failure.
True progress begins when we stop rationalizing and making excuses, when we accept that our goals and dreams are on the backburner because we choose to leave them there.
According to a Leadership IQ research study, in order for women in particular to make progress toward their goals, they need to attach a greater sense of urgency to each goal.
So, let’s get serious and get started to put your dreams first.
In order to make yourself and your goals a priority, it’s important to start by figuring out why they have ended up on the backburner, to begin with.
What are the consistent patterns in your life that lead you to put other people and other things first, and your goals second?
Take some time to reflect on your own life. True achievement and activation start with identifying habits of behavior, both your strong, success-oriented habits and in this case, habits that lead to goal deference.
WHO are the people?
It’s no secret that relationships are important. We live, grow, and exist within the context of relationships. We have families, friends, coworkers, and mentors that play pivotal roles in creating the overall landscape of our lives.
For the most part, this is a GOOD THING! We are not meant to exist in a vacuum by ourselves.
However, there are times in each of our lives when our important relationships actually become the reason we choose to place ourselves and our own goals on hold.
There are, of course, situations where prioritizing the needs of another person is appropriate. Say, for example, you are a parent and your child comes down with a nasty stomach bug. Chances are you, your plans and goals for that day are going to have to wait until tomorrow because you have a sick child who needs care.
For most professional women, however, the tug of war between home life and work responsibilities is not reserved only for the days when children get sick. Studies show while men tend to put in longer hours at the office, women spend far more unpaid hours working at home. Whether it’s cleaning, cooking, or childcare responsibilities, women often take on the bulk of this work. Between trying to manage home and family responsibilities and keep up with her career, it’s no wonder that many women find it difficult to prioritize any additional goals!
This phenomenon is not reserved for parents. You may find that you are putting your goals on hold for your spouse or because of commitments you’ve made to your employer.
Reflect: Who are the people in MY life that I consistently and repeatedly prioritize over my own goals?
WHEN did this start?
For most people, we don’t wake up one morning and say to ourselves, “I’m going to stop pursuing and prioritizing my goals today.” Goal deference often is not a tangible decision that is made, but a passive habit that is formed over time.
However, if you “retrace your steps” so to speak, you will likely find that this habit and pattern of deferring your goals began in a particular season of life and has been slowly and subtly reinforced ever since.
Perhaps the “I’ll get to it later” mentality developed when you took a new full-time job. The long hours and adjustment to a new routine and workplace environment took precedence over other goals and ambitions.
Or maybe your habit of goal deference started when you had a new baby. It can be hard to pursue any goal when your sleep-deprived body is just trying to get through the day.
Reflect: When did I stop prioritizing my goals? Was there a particular time or life season when I began to place my goals on the backburner? Have I ever prioritized my goals?
WHAT kind of goals?
According to studies on Whole Person Development, our lives are made up of distinct and important components: emotional, physical, spiritual, social, psychological, and professional. Each of these six components is an integral part of who you are as a whole person, and each piece requires some degree of our attention and investment.
For most individuals, investing in one or two of these important aspects of life comes more naturally than others. For example, for highly relational or extraverted individuals, investing time and energy into developing social relationships is a consistent and easy priority. Others may find that maintaining and growing their professional goals is not only motivating but relatively easy.
On the flip side, we typically have at least one (if not more) of these important life components that consistently takes a backseat to the rest.
For some, that may be physical health. Although their businesses are booming and their social calendars are alive and well, they rarely make time for exercise and healthy eating isn’t on the forefront of their minds. Others may find that their psychological needs aren’t being met and their stress levels seem to be ever increasing.
Reflect: Are there certain aspects of my life or particular types of goals that I consistently neglect?
As you reflect on your habits and goals and work to take your goals off the backburner, consider these three recommendations from a research study on goal setting that can help you strengthen your commitment and accountability to yourself and your goals.
- Visualize your goals – develop a mental image of success.
- Create a sense of urgency by setting firm deadlines or establishing a reward system for yourself.
- Set small daily goals that allow you to regularly experience a sense of accomplishment.
Are there goals, dreams, and ambitions in YOUR life that you’ve been putting off? Is the backburner an all too familiar location for your dreams? For support in analyzing your habits and moving your goals from the backburner to center stage, fill out this form to schedule a call to discuss whether coaching may be right for you!
References
http://www.bloomleaders.com/blog/2016/12/9/what-is-the-whole-person-development-blend
https://www.leadershipiq.com/blogs/leadershipiq/the-gender-gap-and-goal-setting-a-research-study
