If you’ve been following this month’s blog content, you know we’ve been doing a deep dive into fear and the ways that our fears often inhibit our achievement. (If you’re wondering what on earth I’m talking about, you can get caught up here.)
Well, it certainly wouldn’t be a complete series on fear if we didn’t unpack the fear of failure. After all, this particular fear seems to affect most of us at one point or another.
Let’s start with a definition!
According to neuropsychologist, Dr. Theo Tsaousides, “Fear of failure is the emotional, cognitive, and behavioral reaction to the negative consequences you anticipate for failing to achieve a goal.”
In other words, the fear of failure develops when we believe that something bad will happen when our efforts do not produce our desired result.
This can often take root in childhood. (Think of little kids who fear “getting in trouble” when they make a mistake or do something wrong.)
As adults, the anticipated “bad consequence” probably isn’t getting in trouble, but you may worry about:
- Losing respect or credibility in the eyes of others
- Losing something you depend on as the result of your “failure” (ex. Your job, your relationship, your money, etc.)
- Embarrassment from having other see your shortcomings
If these are hitting close to home, don’t worry. You’re in good company.
If we peel back the layers of this fear, we’ll often find that it originates from one underlying insecurity: The belief that if you fail, it means you are not good enough.
When this belief takes root, it quickly begins to influence the decisions you make and the actions you take. You may find yourself turning down challenging opportunities or only pursuing goals that you have a high likelihood of achieving.
Oftentimes, we give “success” far too much power to influence and determine our identities. We believe that if we achieve our goals and are successful then we are also GOOD and WORTHY.
The flip side of this belief tells us that if we fail, we are not good and we do not have what it takes to be successful.
In other words, we tell ourselves, “If I fail, I AM a failure.”
If you hold this thought pattern as a key belief, it’s no wonder the fear of failure comes so naturally!
There’s one huge problem with this thought pattern:
Everyone fails. Everyone.
Does that mean ALL people are failures?
Of course not!
In order to overcome the fear of failure, we must begin by acknowledging that failure is a natural part of life. It’s a part of the human experience and something to be learned from, rather than avoided.
(I know, easier said than done.)
Second, get comfortable with the “worst scenario.”
Here’s what I mean by that:
Whenever you are facing a new situation or a scary decision, ask yourself, “What’s the worst that can happen?” (You probably already do this part.)
BUT- instead of running away from the worst scenario, I want you to sit with it. Think about it. Plan for it!
Before you get into planning for the worst, ask yourself these questions:
How likely is it that this scenario will occur?
Can I live with that outcome?
If yes, continue to plan to create a strategy for what you would DO if the “worst scenario” actually happened.
If no, then take the option off your plate and move on.
When you create a plan for dealing with the circumstances that scare you, they quickly begin to lose their power. All of a sudden, what once seemed impossible to overcome, is simply just another hurdle to cross.
Do you struggle with the fear of failure? What has helped you to overcome it?
Do me a favor? Would you leave a comment on this blog post? I’d love to hear your experiences with failure and any tips or strategies you’d add for conquering this powerful fear!
Article was contributed by: Maria Lees, Team Writer with Sarah Boxx
