“One of the greatest tragedies in life is to lose your own sense of self and accept the version of you that is expected by everyone else.” —K.L. Toth
You know something is “off”, but you don’t know what it is. You have a “map” and you’re following your route. According to plans and actions, you should be “there” by now. Or at least see signs of your destination growing larger on the horizon, coming well within your view. But that is not your experience.
Instead, you are edgy, lethargic, unimpressed and uninspired. You are doing “all the right” things – the things that life promised would prevent you from standing where you are now: questioning exactly what it is you are doing and why.
Despite all of your planning and effort, your relationships – including the most important one, your relationship with yourself – are suffering.
You can’t tell anyone because you can’t quite explain it to yourself. You just can’t put your finger on what’s not working for you. Worse still, from the outside looking in, you should be content. You have a roof over your head and good food to eat. You have a job. You have a family. You are focused and productive every day. Shouldn’t you feel the “ease” of having arrived at your destination – the success you planned on having as a result of your hard work and activity? Yet you don’t. You feel a sense of unease.
That sucks. I’m sad for you. I’m sad for me when I feel that way (which I sometimes do). So, go ahead, take a few minutes right now (no more than 5) to complain and add to the list of discontent I started for you. Then STOP IT. It’s time to reset your compass.
Face it. Whether you see it or not, your compass isn’t working right now. Persisting in your internal dialog and wondering “why” or “why me” will get you nowhere fast. If pity parties worked, you wouldn’t be asking yourself what happened to your energy, vitality, and sense of satisfaction and contentment. You would not be worried that you’ve lost sight of who you are and what you are here to contribute.
The fact that you are reading this, and that some part of it resonates with you, is all I need to know to tell you that it’s time to get honest with yourself about what you are trying to achieve. What yardstick are you measuring yourself against and what image of success are you holding in your mind.
“A [person]man must find time for [oneself]/himself. Time is what we spend our lives with. If we are not careful, we find others spending it for us. . . It is necessary now and then for a [person] man to go away by [them self] himself and experience loneliness; to sit on a rock in the forest and to ask of [oneself]himself, ‘Who am I, and where have I been, and where am I going?’. . . If one is not careful, one allows diversions to take up one’s time—the stuff of life.” – Carl Sandburg
Carl Sandburg had it right: If we are not careful, we allow diversions to take up our life. Personally, I include any activity we do without intent or thought in that category – even work.
It’s time to get real and intentional. To sit yourself down, shut out the distractions and obligations – even if for a short while. Let’s re-magnetize your compass to align with your “true north”. Remove all environmental factors that may skew the direction our compass points.
How?
- Carve out time for reflection. No tech, no people, no conversations except with yourself. Paper, pencils, pens, and other forms of self-expression are welcome. This time, however, is to get quiet. Put it on your calendar EVERY DAY for the next week. Make a 10-15-minute commitment to put yourself FIRST.
- Reflect. Go inward and LISTEN. You don’t need to “do” anything except pay attention. You can be a “reporter” of details if you want to write your thoughts. Refrain from making meaning out of anything right now. Just observe. This is not a “one and done” event. Reflection needs to happen regularly, optimally daily, even if you only have a few minutes. You can meditate, breathe, doodle or journal. You can walk and look at nature. The goal is to just BE with yourself. Then, become more and more aware of what is happening around you and “to you” due to your thoughts and beliefs (even your thoughts about your thoughts). Remember: observe. Let go of “judging” thoughts as soon as they appear. See them and release them on their way.
- Consider Your Compass’ Orientation to Your Life. Consider the various dimensions of life’s well-being. Picture a wagon wheel where you are the hub. Each dimension of life strengthens the whole. They don’t need to all be equally spaced, but when connected and aligned with the center, the wheel moves freely. The wheel of life is a framework for understanding life balance and is used frequently as part of goal setting. Some wheels have as few as three or four “spokes” and some as many as 15 or more. For our purposes, let’s consider seven dimensions of life’s wheel. Each contributes to our sense of wellness or quality of life, and each area effects and overlaps the others: mental, spiritual, physical, family, financial, personal and career.
As you spend time in reflection, consider each of these dimensions. Are they part of your life now? Which areas feel important to you? Just stay curious. Observe without judgment.
There is nothing you need to do. RESIST the urge to “fix,” “tweak,” or “adjust,” your life. REFLECT and OBSERVE. Draw and journal if it helps you focus.
Remember – the purpose of self-reflection is just that: look inward. Look for patterns and behaviors, choices and decisions. Beliefs and assumptions. Hopes and dreams. Paths taken and those ignored.
“By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and Third, by experience, which is bitterest.”
– Confucius
For those of you who just MUST DO SOMETHING, here’s something simple. Share this post with just ONE friend, then leave a comment that says “done”.
