Communication is a huge topic all on its own. Most of the challenges I’ve encountered have been the result of a communication failure or breakdown. At the very least, communication has played a role in the situation either getting worse or being resolved, making it an integral part in our daily interactions. One rule of thumb, when it comes to communication, is that we are told not to make assumptions.
I want to challenge you to flip that advice for the next seven days and practice making these three assumptions instead.
Assume you don’t understand.
The first time someone shares an idea, goal or suggestion with you, assume you didn’t “get it” the first time, even if you think you did. It’s likely that if the idea or concept is new or challenges your way of doing things, you filtered out part of their message. Ask them for more information, probing questions, clarification. Your interest invites THEM to relax and share more of themselves and their ideas with you, and it invites YOU to become an explorer versus a critic. Even if you can think of a hundred ways in which their idea or suggestion is faulty, hold off sharing your reactions just yet. Keep assuming there’s more to uncover by asking them to tell you more about a specific aspect.
Assume the best.
When someone else’s communication is frustrating, annoying, or just lacking altogether, take a breath and if possible, ask them to start over or restate their viewpoint. Let them know you were distracted at first, and you want to make sure you give them your full attention. Then this time, as you listen, assume the best about the person and their intent. (Remember, it is possible you don’t actually understand them or their point in the first place). Try to find something about them you like in the moment. It can be something as basic as the color of their shirt, their smile, or their energy that you admire. Try it. Even if you are in total disagreement with their viewpoint, finding one thing about them or their message you can appreciate will allow you to hear and see them in a different light. While they might not notice the difference in the interaction, you will feel yourself open up a bit more. Then remember, their message is important to them, and while their communication style may be awful and off-putting, it may be the best they are capable of at the moment. (Hint: this assumption does not apply to situations where people are being mean and abusive in their communications. At those times, I just assume those folks are experiencing a huge flare up of their hemorrhoids.)
Assume you are wrong.
This is a difficult one, as human nature leads us to believe that we are usually right. Here’s an example: have you ever been frustrated waiting for somebody to get back to you, only to realize they did reply and their response is sitting in your junk email? Even more common, people say they emailed someone (business, colleague, friend, etc.) and are frustrated they haven’t heard back. When they find that the email is still sitting in their outbox, unsent, feelings change. We’ve all done it. I’ve definitely done it! And it’s embarrassing, especially if I have gone on a mini-rant about someone’s non-responsiveness. Worse, I have wasted both my time and energy by blaming them when I could have circled back, assumed I made a mistake, resent the communication, and then picked up the phone and followed up in person. I now have countless examples of where my investment of three minutes of follow up have saved me 20 minutes of stewing about something, and hours of unnecessary worry or frustration.
Try making these three assumptions and tracking your results for one week. Keep a small notebook with you throughout the day so you can note various situations and how your assumptions changed or improved the interactions. Then, let us know how it goes.
Here’s to better assumptions in our communications. Clear, concise communication opens doors and improves relationships, saves time, anguish, frustration and ill will. We can greatly improve our interactions with the world if we were all to communicate with more inquisitiveness and acceptance. What is one thing you can implement today in order to improve your communications at home, work or school? It can be done, it just takes consistent effort and the ability to throw our assumptions out the window. Are you experiencing challenges in your personal communications? Would you like to learn how to improve those interactions in a more meaningful and impactful way? Reach out to me, Sarah Boxx, OR schedule a time to chat. I look forward to getting to know more about what’s holding you back.
