So far in this series, we’ve talked about:
- What values are
- Influence on goal achievement
- Perils of misalignment
- Uniqueness – language and personal meaning
- Why personal values and organizational value “fit” matters
- How to identify and prioritize personal values
- Why “test driving” and reassessing values matter
Hopefully, you have a working list of your values drafted. Bonus if you had a chance to test drive them to see if they are a fit.
The final posts in this series examine beliefs and behaviors, and then we circle back to connect all three with tips for how to take them with you into 2019 as you go after your goals and dreams.
Let’s start by taking a closer look at how our beliefs and behaviors are linked.
In his article, How Beliefs Affect Behavior, M. Farouk Radwan, MSc., shares how most of the time people look for evidence that supports their already existing beliefs. Think about that: rather than looking for data that provides facts, we scan our environment and quickly find examples and evidence for the truth and rightness of our beliefs.
We like to be ‘right.’ It helps us justify our actions and can make us feel secure when faced with challenges. But, being ‘right’ based on beliefs rather than validated facts and information can be a considerable barrier to achieving our goals because our behaviors are affected by our beliefs.
A recent No Labels No Limits podcast guest, Douglas Vermeeren, shared advice he received about keeping his ego in check and the choice we make when we seek to be ‘right’.
“…in frustration, [my mentor] stopped and said, ‘Listen, you can be right, or you can be rich. You cannot be both. If you choose to be right, if you choose to follow your ego, you’ll get to keep everything you’ve already created. You get to stay exactly the same as you are. But, if you want to be rich, that means you’re going to have to be teachable.’ ”
Think you’re immune? That your beliefs are not influencing your behaviors? You’re not immune; you’re susceptible. I know I am, too, and I don’t have to dig very deep to find examples.
This is one example of a belief I’ve tried hard to dismantle and rework. When I don’t, it can trip me up – especially if I’m not present with my feelings and connected to my values.
Belief: Mean people suck. This one is tied to one of my values (more on that next post), and it never fails to appear when I think “the little guy/gal” has been mistreated, over-looked or discounted. Or, when I see someone do or say something I consider to be out of line, mean or belittling. One of my first (charitable) thoughts is, “Mean people suck.” If I’m not aware, I can pass judgment with little or no context. What happened right before I arrived? Who are these people to one another? Am I witnessing something mean and cruel, or people being reactive and responding to one another’s triggering comments?
Whatever the reason, I’ve assessed a situation based on my belief, and limited information gathered from the environment (facial expressions, tone of voice, and gestures) that supports the conclusion. And, below the surface, my own past experiences are promoting that belief as well.
If all that happened was an internal commentary in my head, the only person really impacted would be me. I would get to stay all by myself in my judgmental space, grumpy and feeling righteous and affirmed that “mean people suck.”
– Marcus Aurelius
But that’s not all that happens. I can’t bury my thoughts and beliefs deep underneath. My actions, attitudes, and behaviors are now influenced by my belief unless I choose to examine and perhaps revoke its power and select a more productive response.
Consider what happens in business and professional settings, and in family interactions when we walk in with our beliefs and act on limited information. Really, who likes talking with people who’ve judged and dismissed us? Not my favorite type of conversations.
Hint: This also applies when we judge ourselves harshly and act (or don’t) per limiting beliefs about our worthiness, abilities, etc.
So, maybe “mean people suck” isn’t one of your beliefs? Perhaps you can’t relate or apply that example directly in life. Still, it’s important to take time to think about your beliefs and how they influence your behaviors.
Remember, our beliefs affect our behaviors. And, Henry Ford had it right when he said,
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t–you’re right.”
― Henry Ford
Not sure how to recognize your beliefs? It’s not hard. Listen to the words you use (spoken or not) and what you say during your day. Read your social media posts, emails, letters to others. If you’re really brave, you could ask a couple of close and supportive (and honest) friends to tell you what they think about your beliefs about life and how they are tied to your actions and words.
Then, the ball is back in your court to decide if any of your beliefs need to be reassessed, updated, rejected, or replaced for others that can serve you better today and into the future.
As we wrap this third post on the intersection of values, behaviors, and beliefs, I leave you with another quote to ponder
“To believe in something and not to live it is dishonest.”
– Mahatma Gandhi
If you want to carve out some time and space to reflect on your beliefs, I invite you to download a free coloring page HERE. Have some fun coloring. It helps us tame the external (and internal) demands on our time and attention.
If you find value on these weekly blogs or the No Labels No Limits podcast, you can help support our work by purchasing the entire coloring book of 30 images for only $5.99 here: Center, Focus and Achieve. Buy yourself a copy, and buy copies for friends, family, and colleagues, too.
[Yep. We know you could buy one copy and distribute it without purchasing another. We’re choosing to go with another of our beliefs: people are inherently good and want good things for others, too.]
Follow us next week for the final article in this series – Intersection: Values, Beliefs, and Behaviors, Part 4. Until then, if you are looking for more inspiration and resources, check out our webpage.
