Ah, family.
They can be our greatest blessing and, also, our greatest challenge all rolled up into one.
I think if we are honest, most of us desire to have a strong family life. We want healthy and supportive relationships with our parents, children, siblings, and partners. Yes, I realize this isn’t always possible. There are certainly circumstances that make these familial relationships difficult or even impossible.
BUT – I do think most of us ideally want good relationships with our family members. We want to show up well for those we love and, hopefully, receive the same in return.
We want to be good spouses.
We try to be good parents.
We hope to be good children and siblings.
But let’s be honest, that isn’t always easy. This is where the Enneagram comes in. (Stay with me here.)
No, the Enneagram is not a magic pill for wholesome family life. It won’t transform your messiest situations or fix layers of conflict in your familial relationships. BUT, it is a helpful tool that can strengthen your efforts towards a positive and healthy family life.
How?
The Enneagram is a tool that allows us to form a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.
In most cases, conflict arises out of misunderstanding. When you bring a bunch of people with different personalities and tendencies together (ahem, family) and expect them all to get along, there are bound to be misunderstandings.
Think about your own family.
Have you ever found yourself wondering, “What on earth was my brother thinking?!” or “If my daughter only did this differently…”
We are quick to evaluate the actions of others through the lens of what WE, individually, would have done. It’s natural to think that way. Whether we are conscious of this or not, we are all a little biased to believe that our perceptions, feelings, and experiences are the correct ones.
Here’s the problem with that: We are all different.
We all have our own unique desires, fears, and emotional struggles that impact our behaviors.
Believe it or not, that’s actually a good thing! When we learn to appreciate and attempt to understand the differences, we can build healthier relationships and grow as individuals.
So, where does the Enneagram fit into all of this?
The Enneagram is NOT a tool for attempting to guess your family members’ Enneagram type. It’s primarily meant to help YOU learn how you can show up better for your family.
That’s right, the focus is on you. Let’s face it, we can’t control other people anyways.
The more you understand yourself, the more equipped you will be to act and react in a positive way within your family. You can begin anticipating situations that might trigger your anxiety or anger before they happen. You can identify your strengths and how to use them in a way that supports and blesses your family.
After you take the Enneagram and become familiar with your type, I highly encourage you to spend some time reflecting on how your individual type impacts the relational dynamics within your family as a whole.
Here are some questions for you to consider:
- How does your Enneagram type impact your parenting style? What challenges do you face in parenting related to your type? What resources or support do you need to overcome these challenges?
- How does your Enneagram type impact your relationships with extended family? Are certain relationships harder or easier than others? How do you see your personality playing a role in these dynamics?
- Are there situations in which your personality traits have been an asset for your family? Identify a few key moments of relational success.
If you are interested in learning more about how the Enneagram can enhance your familial relationships, I have an opportunity for you!
Erin Oeth and I are hosting a 90-minute Enneagram workshop aimed at helping you get the most out of this invaluable tool.
These workshops will include:
- An overview of the Enneagram and each of the nine types
- Interactive work on [re]discovering yourself and growing in relationship with yourself and others
Interested in joining?
Click HERE to learn more. Join before March 15th for the Early Bird Rate!
Article was contributed by: Maria Lees, Team Writer with Sarah Boxx
