Let’s talk for a bit about “time”. Not in the sense of a cosmologist or philosopher trying to understand the nature or origins of time. Rather, let’s look at our relationship with time on a daily basis.
Just think about it for a second. How many times do you or those around you say any of the following?
- I don’t have enough time.
- Where did the time go?
- How much time do you need from me?
- How long will it take?
Or maybe, time becomes the excuse you make to others or yourself. I certainly am familiar with this.
- I would love to come by for a visit, I just don’t have enough time.
- I would love to be more organized I just need to make time to get organized.
- I would definitely put exercise into my day if it didn’t take so much time.
- I’ve been wanting to start a meditation and self-reflection practice but my day is packed from morning till night.
Of course, it can go the other direction too. What about the experience of being so in the moment that we don’t even notice the passage of time? Think about those occasions when you are immersed in a good book, a conversation, or the process of creating. In those moments, have you ever looked up at the clock and noticed that several hours have passed when you were certain it had been only one?
A New Relationship with Time
Recently I decided I was going to change my relationship with Time. Rather than thinking of it as something I had to adhere to, I decided to think of Time as a being. She’s a friend most days and I continue to give her my respect. Somedays she’s pretty bossy though. On those days she tries to take back hours and minutes that I thought she had promised me. Recognizing that I relied on her to help map out my days, weeks and years (I totally lived by my calendar), I made an agreement. I was going to continue to be attentive and respectful of Time. However, I decided to no longer give Time control over how I viewed my ultimate progress and success. She definitely had no power over how I thought about myself. If my goal had been to do or achieve something by a set date and I fell short, I would not blame Time (saying I didn’t have enough) but, instead, I looked for the lesson.
This is how my relationship with Time plays out most often now:
Once a week I continue to “plan for my success” and map out my week, identifying the “big rocks” necessary for personal and professional success. I go so far as anticipating timing and time requirements based on what I know at that moment. This has been extremely important as I have multiple professional roles as a nonprofit consultant, a mentor to high achieving women, and now supporting my husband’s political campaign. On top of that, like most other women I know, I have personal goals. For me those include daily spiritual practice, exercise, and healthy eating for me and my family. This is all a big stretch for me. Each morning I create my “daily results plan” – that lists the top 3 to 5 “big ticket” items that will move me forward on my goals. I write them down and keep them visible. I add in the other things I need to do that day, the people I need to reach out to, and those I’m waiting hear back from. Then I get started. I don’t look at the clock and mentally park Time in a chair out of sight. This practice lets my best self get engaged.
When I first got serious about this practice, my weekly goals were task-driven, client or customer focused, and less aligned with my strategic goals. Similarly, my daily results plan had many more than 5 “big ticket items” to accomplish or advance, and the list of people I needed to connect or follow up with was unrealistically long. I was accomplishing a great deal of activity (love checking off the “to-do’s”), but not advancing as deliberately as I’d like toward my goals. Today, it’s better. Not perfect, but better; which is all I’m seeking. Improvement and refinement. I’ve also come to relax and recognize that somedays Time may just feel cranky and throw me a curve which takes me in an entirely new direction.
I’ve learned that if I get real about what matters and see myself moving steadily forward, I will succeed bit by bit. The work will get done. Or it won’t. Either way I will still feel good about myself and what I’ve learned.
So if you ever find yourself wanting to scream, “Hey there Time! Listen up: You are not the boss of me,” try taking a breather. Look around, reassess what’s most important in the moment, what can wait, and what can be ignored entirely. If you have to readjust your assumptions and plans for the day or even the week, then do it. Learn what works and build on it going forward.
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