“When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure.”
Welcome to the last post in the series on gratitude. If you’ve been here from the start, then you know that we’ve talked a lot about the research and the benefits of feeling and expressing gratitude.
The practice of #gratitude does not yield immediate, huge, “in- your- face” results. Rather, it is the slow unfolding of change that is almost invisible. Like the seed that patiently waits below the surface of the ground, slowly being nourished by the soil and amendments, until one day, finally its green shoot breaks through the top of the soil, into the sunshine. Still a seedling, it continues to grow a bit each day. Until a short time later it has become this brilliant, beautiful flower in full bloom. To a casual observer, this seemingly happened “overnight.” But, it didn’t. It was the small, gradual growth spurts, day after day that yielded results.
That is why starting this new year with gratitude-focused blogs and challenges has been significant. To help set us all up for incremental growth day after day. To use gratitude as our “soil amendments” that nourish us and others along the way.
Now, it’s time to move into action, double down on our gratitude practice. We need to dig below the surface, past what’s easy, to the habit and rigor of recognizing and being grateful for the difficult times and obstacles that have forged us into who we are today.
Let’s start with a question, then a review.
First, the question.
What would you do if you walked out of the house on a typical afternoon with your two children on the way to their lessons? As they were deep in science studies, you received a phone call from your husband telling you that the locks on the house had all been changed. He tells you not to bother coming back, you and the children won’t get in. In fact, you need to find a hotel, any hotel to stay. You have two devastated kids, only the clothes you’re all wearing, and are at a loss of where to go and what to do next. Then, if that wasn’t enough, you learn a short time later that your husband has racked up a $1,000,000 in debt unbeknownst to you and has left the country. (This is a true story. More on that later in the post.)
Do you think you’d be grateful? Likely not, and, certainly not in that moment. Yet, in hindsight, these times (difficulties, obstacles, and even tragedies) forge us into more of who we are or never knew we could be. Gratitude can help us move past our challenges and influence how we look back on the journey we took to overcome those challenges.
Now, the review.
What are some ways to cultivate gratitude? To pause and appreciate what you have, where you are in this moment, rather than reaching, continually reaching for that “thing” (person, place, experience, etc.) that will finally make you happy. For some ideas, let’s turn to five suggestions from Harvard Medical School’s Healthbeat Magazine article Giving Thanks can Make You Happier. You can:
- Write a thank-you note.
- Thank someone mentally.
- Count your blessings.
- Pray
- Meditate
Each can be helpful when practiced regularly. The trick is to take action.
Harvard’s suggestions not sufficient? Maybe you’re a doubter or pessimist at heart. You’re not off the hook. Let’s turn to a few other ideas from Robert Emmons and The Greater Good in Action website that can help build your gratitude “muscles.”
- Write down three good things that happened during your day.
- Write and deliver a gratitude letter (similar to Harvard’s thank-you note idea).
- Play mental subtraction where you imagine your life without the positive people or things you already have in it.
- Step away from something you like and appreciate to see your appreciation of it grow.
Let’s get back to gratitude for obstacles and challenges.
“I think there comes a time when you start dropping expectations. Because the world doesn’t owe you anything, and you don’t owe the world anything in return. Things, feelings, are a very simple transaction. If you get it, be grateful. If you don’t, be alright with it.”
Fawad Khan
It’s the obstacles or the tough moments in our lives that help us stretch and grow. That’s what a year of interviewing high achieving, motivated women and men have revealed. Each one who braved stepping into the unknown, whether by choice or conditions, faced obstacles. And, some continue to move through them now. When each was asked, none said they would have changed a thing. It was those obstacles that brought them to this moment. Yes, some said they would not have waited as long to step out; that they would have trusted themselves sooner. But erase the challenge or obstacle? No.
“There is no prescription for finding moments of gratitude in every day; there is simply the choice.”
― Gillian Deacon, Naked Imperfection: A Memoir
I do not wish hard times on anyone, but when they come, and they do for all of us, they can be turning points to set us on a different, more fulfilling path. It’s our choice. Acceptance or resistance? Gratitude or resentment? It’s a choice. A muscle that can be strengthened with practice as we’ve been learning.
If you’ve been practicing gratitude this month with us, perhaps even keeping a gratitude journal, now is a good time to go back and review it. Were all your entries about the beautiful, comfortable and good things that happened to you? Were any about a problematic person, situation, or event that showed you a part of yourself (positive or less than flattering) of which you were unaware? Did you find any gems of growth, achievement or motivations to change because of the challenges?
If you haven’t started a regular practice of gratitude, it’s never too late.
Oh, and just so you know, I didn’t make up the story about the person being locked out of their own house, with two children, only the clothes on their back, only later to find they also have a tremendous amount of debt. It’s a true story that happened to a mom of two young kids on an average day. As devastating as it was, it was the start of a new beginning that she could not even have imagined would lead to the successful life she and her children have today.
If you want to know how it turns out, listen in to my No Labels No Limits podcast interview with her. Just click here.
Let’s get ready for activation! See you next month on our next blog post.
