Inner Dialogues, Tough Questions, and Your True Self
So, you want to launch a podcast? That is such a great idea! And then it starts. The inner dialogue of a soon-to-be podcast host went like this (feel free to circle any bullet points you can relate to):
Internal dialogue, last September – Part 1:
- Too busy already.
- Too many commitments.
- Don’t know how.
- Too many others already ahead of me doing similar things.
- People might not like it. Or me.
- It could fail. I could fail.
- I might look and sound stupid.
- People might laugh. Or worse.
- And on and on …
Internal dialogue, after reflection and a strong self-talking to, a short time later – Part 2:
- Too busy already. You already know how to focus and plan work. I just need longer lead times, at first.
- Too many commitments. You know you can count on yourself to follow through.
- Don’t know who and not sure how. Good news! There are lots of teachers and mentors out there.
- Too many others already ahead of me doing similar things. That means people want to talk with and learn from others.
- People might not like it. Or me. There’s 100% certainty that some people won’t. Move on, focus on those who will.
- It could fail. I could fail. Again, 100% certainty it will if I don’t try. Worse, I will disappoint myself, and someone who needed to hear from a guest might never have the chance.
- I might look and sound stupid. Entirely likely. Won’t be the first time. Hopefully not the last. It means you’re moving forward on a dream and goal.
- People might laugh. Or worse. Yet again, 100% certainty that some people will. Not worth focusing on or quitting. You’ll get better – but only if you BEGIN and CONTINUE.
- So… PICK A LAUNCH DAY and reverse engineer the steps to get the work done. And GO!
And so I went.
On National Women’s Day 2018, I launched my No Labels, No Limits Podcast. Step 1 of my mission was accomplished.
In retrospect, the length of time from when I had my internal dialogue back in September, to the March 8th launch date this year wasn’t really all that long. However, many others have made the journey more quickly. Tossing comparison aside, I reconciled that I would take what others had to teach me – my roadmap forward, and contour it to my life. My path needed to support my personal well-being and my goals and dreams. It needed to be done in a way that would continue to feel energizing and engaging beyond the launch. Because, I knew well enough that when the inevitable “unplanned and unexpected” happened, I would need to draw on my energy, attitude, commitment and planning to continue putting one foot in front of the other until the path forward became more clear. I needed to embrace the “road bumps” and challenges as opportunities to learn and grow so I could connect and support others.
Frequently, I’m asked how I got to this point. I typically ask, “Which point do you mean?”
Usually, the person is referring to how I ended up going in a new or different direction when the path I was on at the time looked pretty solid and sound to them. That question refers (usually) to what they know of me at this moment – with some sort of title or label applied: coach, consultant, author, podcast host, business owner, etc.
Rarely does the “how did you get to this point?” question seek the fuller explanation and description of the many small steps – some down dead-end paths, most to great outcomes, and all to a new understanding of what it took to get to “this point.”
What the questioner usually wants to know is:
- Which stars aligned and what kind of magic happened to bring me where I am today?
- How did I know I was ready?
- How did I navigate changes and others’ expectations?
- How did I remove risk and uncertainty?
(Yep, those are all the same questions I want to know from others, too. And what our pre-podcast survey respondents asked us to get answers to. That’s why we ask those same questions of our guests on the NLNL podcast.)
The truth? There’s been no magic or stars aligning. While I’ve had many “ah ha” moments, and a couple of (some would say) mystical events, most of the time it has come down to me reconciling the gap between what I think I have to do or should do ( or be, maintain, have, etc.) with what I know in my heart and soul I’m meant to be doing. Its messy work sometimes and not without challenges. It’s work that requires honest conversations with myself and trusted coaches and advisors. Here’s the irony: no matter how difficult the task, I’ve found that when it’s connected to what and who I am at my core, it pulls me forward to become more courageous and committed with each step. On top of that, I have more fun, feel lighter, and cool people and ideas just keep popping up for me to consider and oftentimes engage.
How did I know I was ready? Each time I’ve made a significant change, the discomfort of NOT MOVING FORWARD, of NOT TAKING ACTION became more and more unbearable. I felt pieces of myself slipping away and I was not pleased with the replacements.
Each time when I reached that decision point in my life, something “clicked” into place. Like a deadbolt being thrown on a door, I just walked through. No one but me could hear it. I could delay taking action, but I could not retreat. So, navigating the change meant figuring out what I needed to know (skills, people, places) and proceeding ahead. I would love to say that happened without disappointing some people, but it often did not. While I did not change who I was, I changed what I did/did not do. Some folks drifted off. Some came closer. Real friends and family stayed the course with me over time and space.
Finally, my response to “How did I remove risk and uncertainty?” is simple: I didn’t.
As long as we are trying new things, we will know some uncertainty. We can learn from others, but their experiences are unique to them. They can guide and coach us, but ultimately we are responsible for choosing: move ahead and experience uncertainty? Or, stay the course and avoid it? (Hint: even if we stay the course, we cannot know with certainty what lays ahead.) So, I think of reducing, rather than removing risks. I consider aspects that I have control over, including finances, attending to emotional and physical well-being, and nurturing strong supportive relationships –whether nearby or virtual. Things outside of my control or influence need to be left alone. (Sounds easy enough, unless you are used to knowing and managing everything… can anyone relate?)
Peoples’ lives change – all of ours do. What made sense at an earlier stage may no longer fit. It’s up to us to choose our direction and proceed.
If you are struggling or simply searching for a new path, reach out and I’d be happy to help you explore what that new journey might look like. While you’re there, we challenge you to poke around our site for inspiration and resources. Be sure to come back to the blog next week and throughout the rest of the month and I’ll share a few examples in the hopes it helps you to think bigger and consider what it is that truly pulls you forward in the service of your true self.
