Are you an options person? I am. I plan for the best but have a “Plan B” in my hip pocket. It’s not that I’m pessimistic, but I expect things to change, and change in some exciting and often challenging places. What kinds of places? Places where it can be tempting to put on the brakes (a.k.a., delay the necessary). Places where I want to step back and rethink everything (a.k.a., let doubt seep in). And even places where I am tempted to reset my longer-term goals and dreams (a.k.a., downsize to sidestep the discomfort of the moment). None of these options have ever helped me move through the unknown or unexpected. Are you searching for some options to actually move past your limits and perceived labels? Here are three options you can add to your “tool box” right now:
Release – the need to be certain about what each step will look and feel like along the way. There are times in our lives where the status quo and predictability is desirable. For instance, the car starting, the household appliances working, and in an emergency, calls to 9-1-1 routed to critical response services. I could go on with examples of where the status quo and predictability are, in fact, desired and ultimately expected. The one time they don’t fit is when you seek to change. Here’s the thing with predictability, it’s just that: predictable.
“Some of us think holding on makes us strong. But sometimes it is letting go.” –Herman Hesse
Stretch – your discomfort muscle each day. You can’t see your discomfort muscle like you can the other muscles in your body, but it is there. And, the more it gets exercised, the stronger it gets. The trouble is, it is hard to see it right away. You stretch into something new, just one small thing each day that makes you uncomfortable or a little scared, and pretty soon those situations are no longer challenges and the fear has dissipated. Is it difficult talking to people you don’t know? Start small. Notice something interesting about someone you just met or are interacting with, and ask them a question or pay them a compliment. They’ll likely engage with you unless the timing is terrible. Just like that, in less than one minute, you’ve stretched.
Challenge – your “What if’s.” Consider this, if you already knew exactly, with certainty, what experiencing your goal or that “new” something would be like, then you’d likely already be “there” right now. But, you’re not. You are in the place of wanting and desire, of imagining and creating, of testing and adapting. The beginning is the place where the “What if’s?” like to pop up most often and toss doubt into the mix. (You know the “what if’s”: What if it doesn’t work out? What if I look foolish? What if my friends and family don’t like it? What if I have to change my routine? And on and on it goes.) What helps quell the storm of the “What if’s”? For me, there are a few exercises I like to do. Here’s one of my favorites.
Shine a Light on Doubt. Make four columns on a blank piece of paper. In the first, describe your current situation, in the second detail the change you seek and why. In the third, bullet list the things that you are worried could go wrong (put each worry on a separate line). Finally, in the last column, describe how you could handle each of those situations if necessary. Could you ask for help? Get additional training? Provide contingency resources now? Whatever it is, write down what you could do if the worst happened. Finally, the soul-searching question to ask yourself is, is there anything on that list you could not reasonably handle (even if it required more work for you)? Once I’ve done this exercise, I find I am clear about the “What if’s,” and they are not as big as I had imagined. If necessary, I start taking steps to prepare a “plan B.” Here is the handy tool I use.
Tip: Once you’ve completed this exercise, move on. It can be tempting to revisit your thinking so you can feel more confident, but don’t. Go back to the first two steps if you must (Let Go and Stretch), but get moving; which leads me to the last tip of this post.
Do the work – don’t try, actually do. Even if it’s one tiny step in the direction of your goal, take it. Nothing will open up or change until you do. Don’t have time to do the entire project or task? Do a fraction of it. Anything to advance. Doing nothing sends limiting messages to yourself, whether or not you are aware. Those limiting messages erode your self-confidence and invite fear into the equation. Instead, practice positive affirmations to progress. Commit, and if you need to make a public statement to hold yourself accountable, do it. If you need an accountability partner, coach or mentor, get one. Your goals and aspirations matter, but you are the only one who can breathe life into them through continual focus and momentum.
In closing, I’ll leave you with 25 seconds of wisdom from a wise master, Yoda. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQ4yd2W50No
