“Are you ready?”

This question is often asked when we are facing a big event in our lives, a huge change, at a time that we need to stop, and ask ourselves, “Am I ready to do this?” Readiness is a state where you can say that you are fully prepared to do something.  But can we really measure our readiness?

At what point can we really say that we are ready? What has to fall into place or what sequence of events has to occur in order for us to give a resounding “READY!”?

If you ask me, my answer is this: You will never feel completely ready. You shouldn’t.

You will only feel 100% confident if your desired goal is too small. If you feel anxious, take it as a good sign; it signals a “stretch” and, is a good indication that it’s probably time to start working towards that bigger goal. Take a breath and relax. You are likely to always feel a bit uncomfortable and afraid, that won’t change…and that’s OK. Why?

Because you are moving into new territory and you care about the outcome, the result. You’re invested, and with that investment often comes worry, stress, anxiety and a whole boatload of emotions that are tied to future success or failure.

If you do not feel the rush, then your goal may not be big enough. Food for thought next time you feel a sense of hesitation and you want to say “I’m not ready yet”.

You’re probably wondering why this topic came up. Well, recently I attended an amazing conference called Women As Change Makers. In the next few weeks, I will be sharing some of the wonderful experiences I had, the key takeaways from my time, as well as introduce to you some of the amazing women who launched or are in the process of launching their own businesses.

In the conference, we talked about readiness, and how we can tell if we’re ready. Most of us shared the same thought, which is this:

Even if you wait for a long time, weeks/months/years, you can’t erase the anxiousness and fear that comes with facing the “big day”. You just can’t. Eventually you have to just step out and begin.

When reviewing that thought, I was reminded of the time I had to attend a rape trial as an advocate. I didn’t feel ready. The fear and the nervousness that overcame me was so obvious. Apparently so much so, that the District Attorney stopped me during my testimony and told me that the emotions I was feeling were normal. He told me that he personally used those emotions to calm him before every court appearance, and to think of them as butterflies. The goals isn’t to avoid the butterflies. The goals is to get them to fly in formation. He was most certainly trying to make me feel better, to calm my fears, so I could finish my testimony.

However, he was spot on, emphasizing that the reason I was experiencing such intense feelings was because I cared so deeply. He was right.

Sarah’s Ready

Not too long after that trial, something triggered a desire within me to learn, and eventually teach Model Mugging, a specific style of self-defense. All the instructors were trained in martial arts, all very skilled. Before you can teach, you have to graduate the basics and the advanced courses. Compared to the others, all I brought to the table was confidence, commitment, and my willingness to learn what was necessary to be a good teacher. I had no formal self-defense training or education.

This particular style of teaching requires you to fight full-on with a padded assailant, kick and strike while the assailant tries to pin you down and disable you.

Let me tell you…when it’s your turn, the moment you step on that mat, the surge of adrenaline and the mix of fear that you feel never diminishes. Even with hours of practice drills, very supportive teachers and fellow students, that feeling never goes away. Your physiology takes over and survival mechanisms kick into gear. We know these as the Fight or Flight instincts. I also knew that I never stepped onto the mat without feeling the fear. The choice to back down was there, I just chose not to take it. To me, backing down wasn’t an option.

I knew that there was no turning back each time I stood across the mat, facing my assailant, and heard the words, “Sarah is ready,” from the teacher.

The outcomes of the matches were unpredictable, as in life, and in general. Did I do better with some encounters than others? Absolutely. But even today, hearing the words, “Sarah is ready,” brings a rush of adrenaline, making me stand a bit taller, more resolute, even if I am not facing physical danger.

While those classes were about self-defense, they were about so much more for me. They were about showing up fully in life. They were about being able to say no to people, places, or things that do not make me happy, and saying yes to choice and self-determination.

You’ve Got This

Today, when I hear people use the phrase, “You’ve got this!” I take it as a close approximation of “Sarah’s ready.” Whenever I heard that, I knew there were 16 women who had my back, who were cheering for my success. Just as when it was their turn I would also be doing the same for them.  When I remind the folks that I’m coaching or consulting that “You’ve got this!” they know that I will be standing with and beside them.

There are still model mugging classes being taught today, such as the San Luis Obispo Self-Defense Classes for Women, and I remain grateful and heart connected to my first instructor, Lora King, the epitome of quiet power, grace and strength.

Remember, it doesn’t matter if we think we’re ready. We may never be. However, what truly matters is that we care enough to prepare and we maintain the desire to reach our goals. You have to choose. Every time. You have to choose yourself.

In what parts of your life can you apply this knowledge to ease your fears?